Trophies are for LOSERS

For all you trophy hogs out there, I have some news...the trophy always says more about who showed up for the race/ball game/beauty contest/swim meet/spelling bee/apple pie contest than it does about your performance.

There was a time in my life when I had a small cache of trophies. I put them on display in my laundry room. Over my years of running road races I managed to amass an interesting array. Some hung around your neck, some you could drink from, some could hold down a ream of papers but most of them were pedestals of cheap plastic with that dumb plastic girl on top who was always showing off perky bosoms. I hated that girl.

I did not give my trophy collection much attention (or more like none considering the amount of dust). And then one day I snapped. I was like... these trophies are BULLSHIT so I boxed them all up and threw them in a dumpster.

Hiding underneath the dust where some first place trophies and more than a few "First in Age Group" trophies. (I mean I really always detested the age group thing). Of course there were a crap-ton of 2nd and 3rd place ones, but really, who gives a fuck? I was gladly tossing them into a box until I came across the only one that made me stop....

The Rose City Run. 1997. This bad boy was a silver drinking goblet that had etched on its side, "Second in Age Group". Things would have turned out a lot differently and I would have gotten the "First in Age Group" award if only this girl named Julie had stayed her scrawny ass at home. Her goblet was bigger than mine and I am still bitter about it. At the awards ceremony I realized that I would have gotten "Third OVERALL female" if this other girl named Sara had been a no-show. (The overall winners, as I recall, got some serious plastic instead of a dumb cup)

Looking at that "Second in Age Group" souvenir from 1997 conjured up the feeling that I was a total loser. I had stayed on Julie's heels most of that race but in the end I she left me to eat her lunch.

The real truth is that I ran a personal best time in that race and in all my years of racing that followed, I never beat it. Looking at that dusty tarnished cup made me feel all angry and like shit about myself (still tasing Julie's lunch) and yet--- it represented me at my very best. That stupid ass trophy did not say anything about my performance and it said everything about who showed up that day.

If it were up to me, I would do away with all trophies everywhere but unfortunately I think trophies are here to stay because people are desperate to feel something other than their own personal reality.

My advice to all of you desperate people is this: the next time you or your kid gets a trophy, go ahead and stop at a dumpster site on your way home, that way you will never have to worry about the dust.

MHC

4 August 2020