Non-sense

I read this book called The Basic Writings of Existentialism many many years ago. I had no business attempting such a cryptic collection of works. But I did and I’ve been captivated by these dead old men philosophers ever since.

As much fun as it is to contemplate all these ideas about life, if you don't apply them to your daily grind then really, all it becomes is entertainment. To contemplate why you want to escape is an escape (which is what I do).

I walk around uptight and anxious all the time. Scared of basically everything and everybody.I can’t seem to ever let my guard down. What exactly I am protecting myself from? I don’t know. It is a big blackhole of a question. I'm always asking, WHY?

It is as if I live my life standing on the edge of a cliff looking down and I can’t see the bottom of the ravine I think “omg I am afraid of falling off this cliff”. But is that actually what I am afraid of? I do not know what is at the bottom of the ravine so how can I be afraid of it? I don’t know if there even is a bottom because I do not know what lies beyond what I cannot see. How can I be afraid of what I do not know? Jumping off could be sudden death or worse, a helicopter ride to Augusta Regional. Or it could be a beautiful warm spring waiting to envelope me in its womb and where I can live out eternity floating on my back with my face in the sun while listening to Peter Cetera’s Greatest Hits album. The odds are good that after the jump I might die or be permanently disfigured but then there is always the possibility… (cue up You're The Inspiration)

The fear isn't of what is at the bottom of the cliff because I do know what is at the bottom. I cannot fear what I do not know.

The fear is knowing that I have the freedom to jump. The fear is of knowing that I have a choice. Fear of freedom, it is real y'all. Knowledge puts a wet blanket on fear. That's why we want the knowledge, to dampen the fear.

Freedom to choose presents you with endless possibility and contemplating all the possibilities can make a person completely insane. I am not the first to think it. (This is all plagiarized by the way.) There will always be possibilities and you will always have the freedom to choose. (hello, you cannot escape freedom).

Possibilities cannot be reconciled because there are just too fucking many, possibilities can only be channeled.

Possibility can turn you into Bill Gates or it can land you under a bridge. Most of the people reading this incoherent nonsense (can't you find something better to do?) will fall somewhere in-between and will live with the constant churning over an over and over again….what if…

What if it worked out? What if it was everything I dreamed it would be? What if Peter Cetera himself is waiting for me at the bottom?

Or will I spend the rest of my life standing on the edge of the cliff, betting on the chopper ride?

Peace.

MHC

8 December 2020